May 9, 2024
In the early days of my TBI I was referred to speech because of a stutter I’d developed and issues with word-recall. Unfortunately the SLP (speech and language pathologist) was not a good fit for me and I was drowning in these new brain injury waters I found myself in and I couldn’t deal with being transferred to a new SLP, so I quit. My name is Jen and I am a speech drop out!
A few months ago it was suggested that I return to speech therapy. Not necessarily for the issues I was sent there for in the beginning but to focus on a few new areas. I no longer feel like I’m drowning on a daily basis. I felt ready to take on this next challenge and I agreed to try again. Today I met with the sweetest SLP (next to my friend and fellow teacher Heather that is). We went through the testing and after, she asked if I was okay with the results, did they make sense. Despite it feeling like a punch to the gut (it just never gets easier hearing your deficits), the results were not shocking, I’d heard them before, and I live with it on a daily basis. She offered to do speech services when it worked for me, we could do an intense 6-week course, we could spread it out over a year, or we could do something in between. We could even sprinkle in some tela-appointments to save me the drive.
I drove over 140 miles round trip today. I had to deal with a lot of flashing lights over the course of my trip due to many construction areas, so seizures were zapping my increasingly tired brain. I completed over 60 minutes worth of testing. I answered questions and told my story for another 30 minutes. My brain is fried. I feel a bit like I’m slipping under the TBI tide today and wondering how I’ll survive, but I also know not every speech therapy session will be like today.
Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s back to speech I go.
Confessions of a Concussed Cyclist: the story of a cyclist living life with a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) 
“I want you to tell me as many words as you can that begin with the letter P,” she said as she started the stopwatch. I blinked in horror as absolutely none came to mind. After the panic (see! a ‘p’ word) subsided I think I managed a mere two words before the timer went off. I cried. A lot. She tried to comfort me but all I could manage to utter in between my sobs was “I used to be smart.”
I’ll never forget that day, one of many where my ego and pride took enormous steps backward. I wish you the absolute best of luck on this journey. I still use the wrong word or can’t think of the right word countless times a day. When people laugh it’s like a kick in the gut.
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You get it my friend! I’ve had to put a few people in their place for laughing when I stuttered or when my words failed me. Now, when it happens, I just stop talking. The former receptionist at Neurology was named Franklin. He was always so sweet & kind to me. “Say as many words as you can, starting with the letter F. No names!” Well all that came to mind was Franklin. I’d just seen him and that’s an F. But it’s a name, so I can’t say it. But I’d perseverate on Franklin and before I knew it, time was up. Nothing like asking you to list as many animals as you can or connect the dots to make you feel like a total fool. Hugs to you Rodney!!
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