Confessions of a Concussed Cyclist: a heavy load

September 25, 2021

Just because someone carries it well…

I am reminded time and time again how easy it is for others to forget I have a brain injury…I wish I could forget.

Others get sick, they get better…I wish it worked the same way for TBI’s.

Just because I don’t talk about it, doesn’t mean it’s not there…it’s always there.

“I don’t know how to be your friend anymore” you express…just be a friend…nothing special is needed just because of my brain injury.

Just because I don’t show you how hard this is, doesn’t mean it’s not…it’s always  difficult.

You complain about my symptoms, you may even mock me…you get to leave me and go back to your TBI-free life…I don’t have that luxury.

“I don’t know how to talk to you anymore” you claim…I’m still me.

It’s a heavy load to carry hour after hour, day after day, year after year.

Don’t ever tell me what I need to do…I’m doing what I need to do…I’m surviving. 

You make comments about how many medications I am prescribed…I wish they were not a necessary part of my life but they are. Your input is not needed or wanted. 

“I can’t give you what you need” you insist…interesting because I’ve never asked you for anything. 

You are tired, you have a tough day, you take a break…I don’t get to escape my injured brain.

“It’s not that bad” you insist…you have no idea.

“You need to get over it” you tell me…no I don’t…this isn’t something you “get over”.

I want to fall apart, I want a break, I want this to go away…but I can’t, this will always be a part of my life.

You have no idea how heavy this load is.  You have no idea how hard every single day is.  Sure, you could blame it on me that I don’t convey my struggles, but let’s be honest here, I don’t talk about it because you don’t want to hear it…I learned that lesson very early on.  

“Just because someone carries it well, doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy” Christin Lewis.