Confessions of a Concussed Cyclist: the kindness of strangers

December 2, 2020

I go through spells living this TBI life… “Be thankful you’re alive…this isn’t how it’s supposed to be!” “I’m so tired, I can’t keep this up…you can do this!” “It could be worse…it could be better!” Some days I just go through the motions, other days life is good, then there are the days I just can’t go on.  I can’t fight the fight.  I can’t imagine doing this for another 40-50 years!

The other day as I was waiting at my doctors office a kind stranger and I started talking.  After a spell he asked me what I did for work.  Without hesitation I said “I used to be a special education teacher” (not to take away from my current job at the bike shop, but I’m a teacher, whether I’m currently teaching or not is besides the point, in my heart, I’m a teacher).  The sweet man said “that makes sense…I can tell you have a kind heart!”  I knew he wanted to ask why I wasn’t still teaching, and typically I wouldn’t offer this next statement up to a stranger, but I found myself saying to him “in 2014 I was hit by a SUV while on my bicycle…after that teaching just wasn’t in the cards for me.”  As soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted them.  I didn’t want him to think I was searching for sympathy.  He replied with “I imagine that kind of impact does quite a bit of damage?!” to which I responded with “you have no idea!” He asked what my long term symptoms were and I gave the reader’s digest version.  Right then he was called back for his appointment.  He stood and smiled at me and told me to have a nice day.  I told him I’d enjoyed talking to him.  He took a few steps then turned and said to me “you survived for a reason, you know.  Don’t ever forget that.” And then he walked away.

Today is a day where I feel like “I can’t do this!”  I woke up feeling awful.  I rallied for work and actually felt okay for a couple of hours.  By 2:30 this afternoon I couldn’t do any more.  I laid on my couch and slept for a few hours.  I woke up and had yogurt for dinner (anything more complicated than that was off the table), I showered, and was in bed by 7 pm.  “I can’t do this!”  Then the words of a very sweet, kind stranger, returned to me “you survived for a reason, you know. Don’t ever forget that.” So I’ll fight again tomorrow.