Confession of a Concussed Cyclist: Dear Driver (II)

September 23, 2020

Dear Driver,

It has been awhile since I wrote to “you” so let me fill you in on what your actions have done.

I am 38 years old and entering menopause because my body was so traumatized from being hit.  Because I’m about a decade and a half too early for this it comes with complications.  One of the many side-effects I’m not enjoying because you refused to share the road.

In March of this year I became very, very sick with a respiratory illness.  I’m not blaming this on you, but don’t worry, this does tie into you and your unwillingness to be patient.  Because of this respiratory illness my lungs are damaged and are not recovering.  I’ve needed to be on and off steroids to help me breathe.  Steroids create a problem with my dysfunctional adrenal glands.  This is where you come in, so stick with me here…my adrenal glands are not functioning properly because of the trauma of you hitting me with your SUV.  After a year of cortisol therapy they were finally starting to come around, but then I started steroids to help my lungs and the steroids make it hard for damaged adrenal glands to function.  So guess what…my adrenal glands are not working properly again.  Have you ever had to deal with faulty adrenal glands?  It’s not fun!  Because I don’t have enough to deal with on a day to day basis, yes, again, thanks to you, when my adrenals are not working properly I have to add in severe muscle weakness, nausea, dizziness, and down-to-the-bone-fatigue.  

I have had a migraine for over 2,100 days!  Think about that for a minute.  I have felt like someone was stabbing me in the head for over two-thousand one hundred days.  Yes, you guessed it, thanks to you.

In the past seven days, I’ve lost my vision five times!  Just in the past seven days alone.  I’ve been working, I’ve been driving, I’ve been reading a book, I’ve been cooking a meal, and I’ve been on my bike.  When I lose my vision, it ramps up an already intense migraine.  Thanks for that.  It’s really fun driving along and then BAM!  there goes your vision.  Better pull over quickly and hope it passes soon.

I live with PTSD every minute of every day.  I know my triggers but I cannot always predict them or stop them.  Do you know how exhausting it is to live in fear?  Fear by the way, caused by your actions…in case you forgot.

I’ve “told” you in the past that you robbed me of my dreams.  That has not changed.  

I’ve “told” you in the past how much I hate you.  That has not changed either.

I live with physical pain daily.  Bodies are not meant to make contact with a SUV at 30 MPH.  I hurt.  

I’m tired.  I’m tired from living life with a brain injury.  I’m tired from having to function with adrenal glands that do not want to work.  I’m tired.  I’m tired of paperwork, and insurance issues, and doctors appointments, and more paperwork.  I’m tired of everything that comes with being hit by a selfish woman driving an SUV. I’ll rally and I’ll come out the other side, but for today, for this week, I’m tired.  My tank is empty.  I’m emotionally, mentally, and physically drained.  But of course, that doesn’t matter to you because you “didn’t feel like waiting”.  By all means, the 30 seconds you did NOT save by hitting me were surely worth all that I have to deal with on a daily basis.  

Signed,

A Concussed Cyclist