Confessions of a Concussed Cyclist: Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It’s Off to Work I Go!

November 14, 2018

Recently I began a part-time, temporary tutoring job.  In the process of filling out paperwork for said position some comments were made.  “Well…it’s about time you’re going back to work!” “This is good for you…you can’t just sit around all day.  This will make you feel better.” And shortly before the job opportunity presented itself, someone actually said to me “you’re smart enough…why are you not back to teaching yet?”

It’s frustrating when others that do not know me (and even those that do) think they know what is best for me when they themselves have never dealt with a brain injury.  

Here are a few facts for you; things that I don’t necessarily talk about often and I frequently hide from others.  I am tired. I am tired all the time. It takes my brain so much more energy to complete a simple task than it did prior to getting hit.  It is also harder for me to recoup the energy I have spent, so often I’m working on a drained “battery” that can never fully recharge. The other thing you should know is that I am almost always overwhelmed and/or overstimulated.  Sometimes I can function through this, other times I cannot. I am in pain. My neck hurts often (whiplash will do that to you); frequently the back of my head hurts and is tender to the touch; and of course the constant, daily migraine that I have had for over four years.  So, just because I am standing in front of you with a smile on my face, does not mean I feel ok.

When I become too tired from an overloaded schedule, that means other things need to take the backseat.  I am not able to push through and complete all that needs to be done; I prioritize and I take care of the most important things while pushing the less important things to the back.  So, when I work too many hours (and trust me that for the past two years, although I am not teaching, I have been putting in hours at a job) or life is just particularly busy and I become too tired to function, my to-do list grows and grows.   I am also more likely to enter a “setback”.

We live in a very judgmental, opinionated society where everyone feels they know what is best for everyone else.  Until you have walked a mile in my shoes (or better yet, tried to function a day in my head) then please do not tell me what I should or should not be doing.  Know that there is A LOT I do not share with anyone so you do not have all the information. Also know that I am the one trying to live this life and I am doing the best that I can.