Confessions of a Concussed Cyclist: Brain Injury Awareness Month

March 7, 2018

March is Brain Injury Awareness Month, prior to 3 ½ years ago, I never knew this.  I never knew that the green ribbon represented brain injury. In 2014, the year I was hit, nearly 2 million people sustained a traumatic brain injury (TBI).  Motor-vehicle and traffic accidents account for 17.3% of TBI’s…I am of that 17.3%. I never knew that the overwhelming majority of brain injuries were classified as “mild”, accounting for over 240,000 brain injuries (82.5%)  a year, yet there is nothing “mild” about it. I was unaware that 3.17 million Americans currently live with disabilities resulting from traumatic brain injuries.

I once read “brain injuries: the thing you never think about until it’s the only thing you think about”…how true!  After August 19, 2014 I researched traumatic brain injuries as much as I could. I needed to learn what to expect (Surprise!  No two injuries are the same so expect the unexpected). I needed to learn how to treat it (Oh, sorry! There is no way to “treat” a brain injury.  Just rest your brain and try to adjust to your “new normal”). I needed to learn when it would get better (Silly girl! There is no time-table for a brain injury, unlike a broken bone, your brain will heal in its own time).  I needed to learn how to overcome these new limitations my battered brain had put into place (Ummm…you don’t show your brain who’s boss, your injured brain shows you who’s boss!!). I needed to learn how others have dealt (Finally!  This search shed some light on this new world).

I’ve made the statement before that I don’t always think about the driver that hit me, yet I always think about the brain injury that the driver caused.  My mind wanders to my damaged brain at random times: when I’m sitting at a red light, when I’m reading a book, when I’m out for a bike ride, when I’m trying to go to sleep at night.  I can be thinking about my grocery list or what bills to pay; I can be thinking about what to make for dinner or what to buy for my brothers birthday that is coming up and then BAM! it consumes my thoughts.  I was hit by a SUV while on my bicycle and the result was a damaged brain. I have “dead” areas in my brain. My brain was rattled so much that I was immediately diagnosed with a TBI. I survived getting hit, and the price I must pay for a second chance at life, is to live in a form of hell.  

While living with a head injury, you are never given the gift of forgetting you have one.  You never get a break. The world is too bright, it’s too loud, it’s too fast, it’s too over-stimulating, you’re too tired, your brain is in a fog.  Adding to the cognitive challenges, in my case, a migraine is in full force 24/7. There is no escaping it. There is no cast or brace to wrap your brain up in so it can rest and heal; your brain is “on” all the time.  You learn a patience that you never knew you had, as you wait (truthfully, not always so patiently) for things to improve. You work to accept that things will never go back to what they once were. You try to embrace your “new reality” (but fail at times).  You continue to research (after all the world of medicine changes daily). You continue to try and inform those around you (although at times it feels like talking to a wall). You work to ignore asinine comments such as “I know exactly how you feel” or “I’ve had a migraine all day and I just can’t stand it”.  You don’t forget the old you, but you wonder how you ever felt well enough to do all the things you used to do (did I really used to have the energy to go for a bike ride, a hike, and have dinner with friends all in one day?). You forget the “friends” that walked away and you tuck the ones that ask questions and care, close to your heart.  

   These are all things I never thought about, until now that it’s the only thing I think about.