Confessions of a Concussed Cyclist

January 20, 2018

Today I was finally able to get my first road road of 2018 completed.  I realized yesterday that today would work for that first ride; the roads were finally clear enough!  When the realization occurred, two things happened simultaneously: the first was excitement…I could finally get out on the road again!  The second was nerves…what if something happens? That question is always in the back of my mind. The anxiety is always there now.

Waking up this morning, I couldn’t wait to get out and ride, despite the anxious cloud that followed me around.  As I was giving my bike a once over and getting my road gear on, my mind wandered back to my first rides after the crash.  It was really important to me to get back to riding as soon as possible after the collision; I did not want to be afraid to ride my bicycle.  My friend Brian agreed and supported me. The first day I felt well enough to ride we loaded up the bikes in his truck and drove to a neighboring town.  The route he’d planned was flat and with little traffic. The whole ride he stayed by my side or right behind me, encouraging me and keeping me safe. From the minute we started to pedal I felt that something was wrong with my bike.  I kept telling him that the bike was not right (despite having multiple mechanics assess it) but Brian assured me the bike was riding just fine and I would be okay. We did not go fast and we did not go far that day, but that ride will forever be remembered as one of my best rides ever.

Brian and I continued to ride like that for some time, slowly building up speed and comfort.  Shortly after my first ride back, my friend Joe reached out to me and invited me on a cyclocross ride.  “Keep the legs moving without worrying about cars” was Joe’s logic that he shared with me as we pedaled on some beautiful trails and dirt roads.  My friend Dave then invited me on a road ride (something that rarely happens as Dave would rather be mountain biking, so you always accept his invitation) and we joined the White Mountain Velo ride that night.  Like the other rides, we did not go far or fast, but we rode. A small group decided to join us and I was blessed with a wall of cyclists protecting me from any cars that passed.

I can so clearly remember my first rides back with Brian, Joe, and Dave.  I remember being so nervous to ride but also feeling so blessed that I had these three guys looking out for me.  These guys wanted to make sure I didn’t let fear win, that I got back to riding because they all knew how much riding meant to me.

And it was these three guys and our rides together that I carried with me today during my first road ride of the season.  And much like those first rides after getting hit, first rides of each season are never far and they are never fast, but regardless of the distance there is something incredible and freeing about a bike ride.

Much like many times before, although I was nervous, my anxiety did not stop me from riding.  I pedaled and I enjoyed every single second of it!